The Rituale Romanum
by Keiran
Summary: Oneshot. 12, shounenai. There is something going on in Heero's new house, and the police are helpess. Heero needs to rely on a professional help, if his house is to be safe again...


Author: Keiran  
Title: The Rituale Romanum 1/1  
Rating: 13.  
Warnings: implied shounen-ai.  
Pairing: 1+2  
Genre: supernatural, adventure.  
Disclaimer: About as mine as Alpha Centauri. That is to say, not at all.

Note: Wow, I've written a fic with a plot! I couldn't be more proud!

Because Night-Blaze asked: the might be a minimal time difference, but overall I think both here and Deb's Dragon is updated at the same time. So it depends which site you prefer to frequent.

Thank you Shenlong Deb for betaing!

xxXXXxx

Heero Yuy was a scientist by heart and an architect by trade. His world was safely contained within the limits of food, sleep, work and taxes. Nothing more, nothing less.

Granted, one would find the occasional argument, a few casual friends and maybe a trip to a bar every once in a while; but on the whole Heero Yuy lived a pretty sheltered life. He considered himself happy, if he ever bothered to consider himself. He could afford a decent life (he could afford more than just decent, but he was content with what he had), an interesting trip during the holidays, and, just recently, a house.

A house, which proved to be the undoing of his neat and proper life.

It was a beautiful morning, only a few months after the blue-eyed architect had moved into the quiet suburbia. Heero got up as he usually did, only to find out that his morning paper was wedged between the handle and the door. He wondered briefly about that, having already found out that the paper boy tended to chuck the unsuspecting bundle of news in the general direction of the porch, rarely bothering to even look that way. The issue was dismissed soon enough: it wasn't his problem if the lazy asshole finally got off his bike. And that was it.

A few days later, upon getting back home, he found that the glasses in his cupboard, usually arranged by size and volume, were mixed up rather randomly. Now this was a little harder to ignore – yet the cleaning lady, a blonde student from a nearby university, claimed the responsibility soon enough. She'd tried to inform Heero via cell phone that she couldn't make it on Friday as usual, and instead had come to clean up on Thursday.

While she couldn't recall rearranging the glasses, the man had let it slide. Nothing was missing, nothing was seriously disturbed – there really wasn't anything to worry about.

Coming home only to discover that his books were floating in mid-air across his study though, was not something he could easily ignore.

"What the hell is going on here?" he exclaimed loudly, almost despite himself, standing in the doorway. He watched, quite stunned, as his favourite novel floated in front of his face and flapped its covers. The man stood there for a few more minutes, trying to comprehend just what exactly was going on, then slammed the door and grabbed a phone.

"Someone has broken into my house," he reported dryly, after he heard the cheerful 'Hello, this is your local police station. How may we help'. "They must have installed something in the study – a lot of my books are flying around. Nothing seems to be missing that I can tell."

There was a brief pause on the other end.

"Okay. Sir – I'll just put you through to our X files department, is that all right?" Before Heero had a chance to protest, an annoying tune sounded in his ear. He took a deep breath. He would give them a chance. He would.

"Hello, Ruby Hills, X files department, agent Carrot speaking. How can I help?"

"I have books floating in my study," Heero explained again, as slowly and clearly as possible.

"Any demonic activity?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Demonic activity. Ritual paintings on the walls, blood, mangled bodies, strange symbolism, weird noises; at night especially," agent Carrot explained calmly. Heero took a moment to stare at the phone. The man actually sounded as if he was serious. Deciding to play along for the time being, he replied in a clipped, but civil tone that no, so far he'd observed none of these.

"Oh good. No cause for worry then." Somewhere in the background the brown-haired man heard a woman ask what was it about. He deduced that agent Carrot had covered the mouth piece, yet he could still hear his reply: 'spirit activity, nothing to worry about'. Then the calming, utterly **nice** voice was back. "Okay sir, it is nothing serious. I'm afraid it happens a lot in these parts. I have a specialist I could send to you, or would you like to make the arrangements yourself?" Well, Heero decided, 'either he wants to send me to a shrink, or there's a maniacal mad inventor on the loose. Whichever is true, better to take care of it myself.'

"I would appreciate contact details," he answered stiffly. The situation was a little too weird for his taste.

"Very well." The man on the other side quickly rattled off a cell number. "It is hardly the season so you should be able to arrange a visit soon enough. Should you have any further problems, do not hesitate to call." Jotting down absentmindedly the extension number for Carrot's office, Heero leaned heavily against the wall.

A few seconds passed in silence, interrupted only by the occasional thump coming from the study. Finally Heero looked at his notes. "Fuck it," he declared. "Right now I probably need a shrink anyway." Punching the numbers decisively, he allowed himself to slide to the floor, waiting for a reply.

Heero didn't have to wait long. "Exorcisms and spiritual activity, Duo Maxwell speaking." He was speechless for a few moments, long enough in fact for the cheerful voice to pause and offer a tentative 'hello?' Long enough for the voice to re-evaluate the situation and –

"Uh, if you're dead, please call the other line. I deal with the problems of the living. Wuffers caters to all your posthumous needs."

"I'm not dead," Heero growled finally. "Would I be calling this phone if I was?"

"No, probably not. As I said, Wufei is in charge of unfulfilled businesses. Death usually leaves little room for mistakes." The blue-eyed man growled again, this time with no words.

"I don't want any nonsense, do you hear me? The police gave me your number, and I fully expect you to deal with the floating stuff in my study, is that clear?"

"Perfectly," he heard in return. "I am a professional, after all. Your address please?"

"My what?"

"Home address," the voice replied, now exasperated. "If there is spiritual activity in the house I can hardly do anything from here." He sounded so casual and down-to-earth, as if he was talking about the weather. Heero, taken by surprise, obediently offered his address. "Ah, Ruby Hills. No surprise then." Without explaining the cryptic statement, the voice continued. "Okay, I'm not all that far, I can be there in three hours. Should the presence get hostile, leave the house. If they get very hostile, give me a buzz." The call ended.

For the next three hours Heero sat there, staring off into space, contemplating the life, the universe and the flying books behind his back. Unused as he was to the lack of productivity, he found himself quite amazed just how fast the time had passed when the doorbell finally rang. Forcing himself to move, the blue-eyed man made his way to the door, opening it rather angrily, a furious comment almost spilling from his lips.

And pausing.

There was a boy standing on his porch. No, not a boy – a man. Upon careful scrutiny Heero realised they were roughly the same age, yet somehow the visitor seemed so much younger than himself. Maybe it was the oversized black sweater he wore, or the bright grin lighting up his face, he couldn't tell. Finding his throat suddenly dry, the architect swallowed.

"Hi!" the stranger called cheerfully. "I'm Duo Maxwell."

"The exorcist," Heero found the voice to say, a voice clipped, sarcastic and harsh.

"Yep, that would be me." That winsome grin again. "Can I come in?" And he did, accepting the sour 'whatever' as an affirmative. "You mentioned something about a study being haunted?"

"Not haunted. Broken into and installed with some weird machinery, that's what happened." Heero wouldn't be caught dead admitting to something he didn't believe in.

"Right." A subtle roll of the violet eyes told the blue-eyed man rather clearly that his explanation was not accepted.

"Shut up and get on with your magic tricks, will you?" he growled in irritation.

"Yeah, yeah. Sheesh, man, you're impatient." He took a few steps forward, closing his eyes as he went. Heero did his best to burn a hole in that black sweater, the need to do so only partially fuelled by annoyance. He watched the long rope of hair resting between Duo's shoulder blades, fighting an urge to grab it and wrap it once or twice around that slender neck. Bloody stupid police force. Whatever was he thinking, moving to this accursed place?

He was so lost in his annoyance, he completely missed the stop sign, and ran smack into Duo, very nearly tripping them both. He righted himself soon enough, grunting with an apologetic tint, yet his anger made no way for the embarrassment – the glint in the exorcist's eyes rooted it in the spot.

Wisely, Duo did not comment. He chose to go back to examining the house.

"So? What does Casper want?" Heero asked impatiently after several minutes. Duo blinked his wide eyes at him.

"Casper? Mr Yuy, if there is a ghostly presence so pronounced and personified that it has communicated with you verbally, you should have said so. I told you Wufei managed the posthumous rights."

No, this was definitely more than Heero Yuy could stand.

"Now look here, asshole," he bristled. "I have no idea what your problem is, but I want that farce finished now! I do not believe in ghosts, spirits, or any of your paranormal shit. I will not have you making an idiot out of me!" Duo blinked, then chuckled.

Big mistake.

The blue-eyed man grabbed the collar of his sweater and pushed the black-clad man against a wall. "What is this shit about?" he hissed directly into Maxwell's face. No answer came. For a few seconds they stood there, unmoving, gazing into each other's eyes. Finally, Duo extended his hand and patted Heero's clenched fist.

"It's okay. I'm not trying to make an idiot out of you, and neither are the police. This region is full of spiritual activity for some reason. It tends to be a shock for the newbies." There was that annoying tone of voice again, as if he was speaking about the weather.

"Now," he continued calmly, dislodging Heero's hold. "Let's get the show on the road, and you won't have to see me again for a long while."

"A long while?" For some reason the thought did not sit well with the sceptic.

"Judging by the neighbourhood – I'd say about two months." Duo shrugged carelessly, stepping into the study, Heero following in his wake.

The study was perfectly neat. Not even a shred of paper out of place. The architect felt his face growing red.

"It wasn't like that when I went downstairs," he said, his voice a mixture of annoyance and disbelief. He shivered when Duo patted his back.

"It's not gone. Merely quieted for the moment."

"How do you know?" The braided exorcist gave him a strange look.

"I can sense it. There's quite a strong aura in this room, very weird but strong." Several seconds passed, during which Heero contemplated just how strange something had to be for a male ghost hunter with a braid down to his ass to qualify as 'weird'. He found that he didn't really like the possibilities.

"What aura?"

"Kinda like smell, only one that tingles," Duo replied looking around carefully. "Funny… I could swear I know this one…" Closing his eyes once again, he took a few steps into the room, Heero following his every move.

The doors slowly swung shut behind them. There was an audible click from the lock.

"What the fuck!" Heero exclaimed spinning in place. "You let somebody else into the house!" he accused, grabbing Duo's sweater once again. The man rolled his eyes.

"I did not! Man, you have some serious trust issues."

"I have no issues!"

Unbeknownst to the arguing duo, the room slowly started losing its contour. Colours and shapes washed away, leaving nothing but blackness, dotted here and there with floating white flames. The architect continued his tirade for a while longer, ignoring the developments, before something in the surroundings struck him as odd.

"… no issues, do you… What the fuck is going on here!" Heero yelled, dropping the other man in shock. The shock intensified, when he heard no smart-ass comments from the unfortunate exorcist. Turning slightly, the blue-eyed man saw that Duo was staring at the surroundings, almost as surprised as he was.

"Well, shit," he stated finally.

"What do you mean by 'well, shit?' Do some magic tricks and turn that off!"

Duo shook his head slightly, smiling a little. If he got a dollar for every time his clients reacted like this… Then again, that particular thing had never happened to him. Not like this anyway.

"Be careful," he said to the brown-haired man. "Illusions such as these require very strong spiritual power, and a competent caster. Which means there is most likely a lucid spirit in here, somewhere." The owner of the house wisely refrained from commenting. "Okay. Don't move."

Duo pulled a notepad and a pencil from his jeans. Quickly he found a fresh page and scribbled down a circle with a series of strange symbols in and around it. "This will serve as our anchor," he explained to Heero. "Such illusions tend to be extra-dimensional, so there's no telling where the exit is now."

"Whatever," he growled. "Just make it stop."

"Heh. Impatient. Now don't move. I'll try and find the caster." Immediately, the long-haired man went perfectly still. Even though Heero knew he was still breathing, it was more of a logical conclusion rather than an observed fact. His hands were folded around the piece of paper, as if in prayer; only his lips seemed free from that spell, forming words unfamiliar to the architect.

Suddenly, as fast as he had dropped into the semi-trance, Duo woke up, his violet eyes impossibly wide.

"We're in deep shit here," he informed Heero, turning around a few times. "I can't sense a caster within this space."

"So? What does it mean?"

"That it makes no sense. Only a strong spirit could make a barrier this powerful, but they'd have to be inside. I sense no presence here, except for us. Most likely the person who trapped us here is alive."

"And the point would be?"

"That we're stuck." Seeing the half incredulous, half furious gaze directed at him, Duo hastened to continue. "I mean, I probably could break it, but it's dangerous to do so. It might kill me, possibly you, likely destroy the whole house. It'd be better for us to avoid it."

"What do we do then?" Heero asked, barely containing his annoyance. Not only was he trapped in his own study, in some concept rejected by science-fiction for being completely unbelievable, but he was there with the most infuriating person in the universe.

One that trapped in an unfamiliar, illogical surroundings, went on to examine strange white lights, hovering all around.

One that completely ignored the blazing red fireball coming towards him from behind.

"What a complete idiot," Heero griped internally, even as he grabbed Duo's hand and pulled sharply, resulting in them both losing their balance and falling to the – for a lack of better term – floor.

The red fireball passed over their heads, in no apparent rush.

"I really do appreciate the sentiment, but I think it's neither time nor place for this," Heero heard the exorcist say. He blinked. Then shot up, dropping the other's arm as if it burned.

"What kind of an idiot are you!" he yelled. "Do you plan on standing there and waiting for something to kill you?" Duo sat cross legged, and stared up, his eyes twinkling. Were Heero familiar with children, he would have recognised that look as the one classified by parents world-wide as 'pure mischief', one that clearly stated the child in question is about to ask where do babies come from.

"Were you worried about me?" he questioned innocently.

"Hell, no!" Heero spat back, trying in vain to hide the flush on his face. "You're too annoying to be worried about."

"Ah, I do hear that a lot," the longhaired man chuckled. Quite soon though his voice lost the teasing, amused note. "You needn't have worried. I doubt whatever-it-was, was actually trying to kill me."

"And just why the hell not? You're bothersome enough for anyone to want to strangle you randomly."

"Could be, could be. Though it's not as simple when they try that inside an illusion such as this one," Duo explained, casting a thoughtful look at the piece of paper he was still holding. "The intention of the caster is always reflected in such a space, and I feel no animosity or hostility. If anything, I'd say the caster is amused."

"Yeah, right. What are you, a mood ring?"

"Nope. Just mildly psychic." There went that infuriating grin again. "Which is why I think this space is so weird. You need so much energy just to create it, never mind manage it, why would anyone bother only to play a prank?" The violet eyes never left the small paper slip, tracing the pencil patterns intently.

"Have you ever dealt with something like this before?"

"Yes. Twice."

"And?"

"The first time I was forced to break it. I was hospitalised afterwards and the shed ended up in splinters. Took me ages to get back into shape. The other time I managed to subdue the caster, but the end results still weren't pretty." The man got to his feet in one fluid motion. "Alright. Let's try and find an exit now."

"What should I look for, a green-white lighted neon?"

"Anything out of place," Duo called back, ignoring the obvious sarcasm in his client's voice.

Heero made a show of raising a brow and taking a good look around. "Out of place?" he enquired dryly, gesturing to the black void filled with floating white flames and an occasional ball of fire.

"Whaddya know, he actually has a sense of humour!" the black-clad man exclaimed cheerfully. "There might still be hope for you, man! Now shush, we need some threads to grasp on to." Quickly he picked up the jotter again, and scratched several complicated symbols, along with his name, on four pages in a row. Stretching out an open palm, he stilled, again murmuring words Heero couldn't quite hear. The architect watched with growing disbelief as the paper started crumpling on Duo's palm, morphing into- something weird.

Once the exorcist finished, there were four of those weird dragon-bird-fairy things seated on his palm, pale as they paper they were created from. "Off with you," their creator said lightly. "I need an exit." The creatures hurried to comply, disappearing in four different directions almost immediately.

"You didn't just do that!" Heero said in disbelief, more irritated than anything else. "It's impossible." Duo gave him an incredulous stare.

"We are," he said punctuating each syllable with a poke to the other man's chest, "inside a spirit-space. Just what do you think is so impossible?" The blue-eyed man glared back, hard.

"There is no such thing as magic. There are no such things as ghosts. I'm sure there is a logical explanation for all this."

"By all means if you find one, I would very much wish to hear it. Until then I'll rely on my magic tricks, that works with you?" The only answer he got was a low growl. "Now we might as well walk."

"Walk where?"

"Doesn't really matter," Duo said cheerfully. "We need something to occupy ourselves, and sightseeing seems like the way to go, for the moment. I forgot my cards," he explained forlornly. Heero turned his back to the other man and started growling under his breath.

It didn't help matters, when Duo casually started petting his head. The exorcist was a good two inches shorter than him, a little more slender and obviously lighter by a few kilos. The fact that he dared to just **pet** his hair, as if he was a dog of some sort, made the architect want to scream.

And purr.

"Now, now, no reason to get mad, Mr Yuy. I'm sure we'll be out and about in no time at all."

"What makes you so sure?" Heero growled in return. "You yourself said that no one would bother with setting this up for only a prank. If that's not a prank, why would they bother?"

"Dunno. Hey, not my fault you moved to a spiritual centre of the country, so don't glare at me!"

"Oh, fuck off, will you," the blue-eyed man groused and sat cross-legged on the ground. "I'm not moving until you get us out." Duo gave him a strange look, but complied by sitting right next to him, silent for the time being.

Seconds passed, without a sound being uttered. Then, almost simultaneously, both men opened their mouths to start a conversation, only to change their minds at the last moment and yell 'duck!'.

Another fire ball hit the spot exactly between the spaces they were occupying, scorching their spots as well. When it dissipated, Heero and Duo stared at each other wide-eyed.

"I assume this one only wanted to say hi as well," the blue-eyed man stated crossly, getting to his feet, followed closely by Duo.

"You could say that," the exorcist replied cautiously. The look in his companion's eyes quite clearly posed the 'WTF' question. "I think this one was trying to get our attention."

"Whatever the hell for?"

"Uh… These," Duo said, gesturing lamely to the ring of burning spheres surrounding them. Heero blanched.

"You sure get on people's nerves," he muttered to the black-clad man, never taking his eyes off the menacing fires in front of them. "They make the effort to rise from the grave to do you in."

"Oh? You mean you would follow me even after you died?"

"If I got in writing that I could kill you," the short-haired man snorted. They were now pressed back to back, trying to keep track of the situation. The situation made an effort not to comply, shifting the flames around, twinkling, sparkling and shining.

"Aww. That's kinda cute, you know."

"Idiot."

"Could be, could be. Try and stick to me, 'kay? I still think they don't actually want to kill us, but being careful wouldn't hurt." Though Heero desired nothing more than to smack Duo for insisting the balls of flame were merely wanting to make friends, he bit back the instinct.

"You've brought a fire extinguisher?" he asked instead.

"Not really," the exorcist admitted. "I was hoping for an in-and-out thing. Obviously, things have gotten a little out of hand here. I kind of didn't bring much of my usual gear."

"Can't you scribble rain in your notepad, or something?"

"It's hardly time and place for occultism lecture," the exorcist yelled, ducking to the side along with his client, as one of the flames attacked suddenly. The rest stood to the side, waiting.

"Now I'm prone to believing," the man stated.

"Good point." The braided man paused briefly, to gaze at the first page he'd scribbled. "The thing with the notebook is," he started with the explanation, "I can use it for spells that don't need to interact with reality. It's admittedly easier in here than outside, but even so, they simply can't affect anything physically. They are easy, light on the energy required and quick, if you need to find the way, or whatever."

"Fighting though, that requires a considerable amount of energy and more powerful incantations. You've seen how long it takes to create a sprite out of paper – one that could fight would take about ten minutes, at the very least." In between the occasional dodge, drop and a duck, Duo managed to whip a different piece of paper from his trousers. Heero looked at it sideways. It resembled vaguely the scribbles from the pad, only a lot neater. Obviously, this was something that had taken those ten minutes, to be prepared.

"I'm going to stop them in place. It won't hold for long, so prepare to run."

"Run where exactly?"

"After me, of course." Once again, Heero's firm belief in logic and science was shaken off its core, never mind the sub-dimension he was in and floating balls of fire occupying said space. The exorcist chanted in a low voice, his eyes, from what Heero could see, flashing.

It was scary, yet strangely enticing.

With one final yell, Duo released the paper, which disintegrated in mid-flight, the particles flying to the sides, attaching themselves to the fire-balls. He would be more than happy to stay still and observe as the flames seemed to be frozen momentarily, but the black-clad man was gripping his hand and pulling him into a dead run.

"Any clue as for the direction?" he managed to bellow.

"Yeah, dead ahead!" was the only answer he got. Chancing a glance behind, Heero wished he hadn't. The universe seemed to be full of balls of flame, and they were dead set on pursuing him at the moment.

Then, completely unexpectedly, the white dragon-sprite-whatever thingy Duo had created out of paper, flashed before his eyes and he found himself back in his study, trying to slow down frantically and failing.

The resulting crash was probably heard in all of the neighbouring houses. It took Heero several seconds to gather himself and realise that he was back home, though seen from an unusual perspective: he was laying on the floor, on a strange mixture of hardness and softness that exuded warmth, topped by several books and random papers. Running his décor through his mind, he realised that whatever he was laying on definitely was not planted there by himself, and therefore required inspection.

"Oh, fuck," someone breathed, dangerously close to his ear. Turning his head only a little, the architect found himself face-to-face with the exorcist, also known as the mysterious warm thing.

All in all, this seemed to be a pleasing ending.

"So, is the house clean?" he asked raising a brow,

"Hell no," the violet eyes executed a perfect roll. "We just escaped the illusion. There's a whole bunch of procedures I need to go through to get you permanently rid of it, not that I think it will be much of a nuisance, and…" Time passed, and the only sound permeating the room was the repeatedly soft thuds of books dropping from a small height.

"… yeah, anyway. So, does tomorrow work for you?" Duo finished, his voice sounding uncertain for the first time since Heero had met him, a delicate blush colouring his face.

"I'm still willing to bet there's a logical explanation for all this," the architect informed the exorcist, finally rolling off him and standing up. The other man took the offered hand and stood up as well.

"How much are you willing to bet?" he asked, smiling mischievously.

"Enough," Heero whispered, closing the distance between them once again.

xxxXXXxxx

Wind ruffled the gold, red and orange leaves outside the small house. Occasionally, several would be torn from their branches and flutter to the ground without any noise. One of the leaves from the very top of the tree floated down from its perch, lower and lower, though still close to the trunk, until it landed in raven-black hair.

An impatient hand pushed it further down.

"Told you," the man heard a feminine laughter right next to his ear. He didn't bother turning – he knew he wouldn't see anything. He snorted instead.

"They will make a good couple," he admitted gruffly. "Though we must keep an eye on them, if we want the house to remain standing."

The wind carried the amused, unearthly chuckle up into the sky.

**END.**


End file.
